I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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