I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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