How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize