Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize