Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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