thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
