We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
