Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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