so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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