no, he came in my armpit
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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