How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.