Having a random hookup so left but love u
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.