is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet