do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
