Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
