its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
