I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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