So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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