dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we're so committed to being not committed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.