You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
