So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My ass is underappreciated
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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