my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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