this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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