My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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