dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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