The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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