Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He did a backflip because drugs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize