he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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