I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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