am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
