is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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