I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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