He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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