I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
