Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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