Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
being pregnant is like rehab
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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