life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
