Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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