you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
