My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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