we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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