I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom