his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves