I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.