You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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