Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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