im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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