I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
