I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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