If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize