And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
