We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
