epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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