they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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